Shakespeare would seriously laugh so hard if he found out how seriously people take his works. Like, he would probably cry from laughing so hard if you told him that his plays were considered high-brow literature. “It’s all dick jokes and sword fights,” he’d say, “do they seriously tell my dick jokes to schoolchildren? And the kids aren’t allowed to laugh? Do the teachers know they’re telling dick jokes? Oh my god that’s fucking hilarious. Wait until I tell Anne.”
no. fuck off. he was an artist and a poet and he would be delighted that people value his words, that they have been kept and treasured and read and performed over and over and over. he did not write well by mistake. he did not revolutionize the language for shits and giggles, and if you think the value placed by scholars on Shakespeare’s work is entirely manufactured or baseless, you don’t understand Shakespeare very well.
every single person on the earth knows that there are dick jokes in shakespeare. surprisingly, academia and dick jokes are not mutually exclusive fields. don’t blame the field of literature for the fact that you had a shitty teacher in high school.
male feminists on my facebook wall posting transphobic tumblr screencaps (“why is a cis man getting an award for playing a trans woman” “because that’s what ACTING is you fucking stupid child”)
i was like “lol more like that’s what TRANSPHOBIA is” and he was like “nah”
you post SO MUCH FEMINIST STUFF how does that basic shit get under your radar this completely
HOW FUCKING DARE YOU
my heart can’t do this
GUYS IT’S OKAY IF YOU WATCH IT HE COMES HOME IN THE MORNING AND HUGS THE DOG AND GOES “OH HEY BUDDY I’M REAL SORRY I STAYED AT DAVE’S COS I DIDN’T WANT TO DRINK AND DRIVE! I’M HOME!”
The Doll Song - the Mountain Goats (live on KSPC, 1992)
I was reading the bible
I corinthians 13
where paul talks all about love
but I don’t know what he means
because he says that love is kind
that has not been my experience
so i set the bible on the kitchen table
and yelled at the bible, until i was no longer able
There’s a dollar in my g string
THAT IS YOUR D STRING. G IS ALL THE WAY ON MY LEFT.
EXCUSE ME you uncultured swine. That IS my G string. LEFT TO RIGHT IT’S: C G D A ON A CELLO. And if you notice the dollar is wonderfully tucked in my G STRING.
DO NOT DOUBT MY SIX YEARS OF EXPERIENCE.
THEY’RE NOT CALLED VIOLINISTS THEY’RE CALLED CELLISTS
IT,WAS THE VIOLINIST THAT THOUGHT IT WAS THE WRONG STRING JESUS CHRIST
This is just one massive train wreck
String players can be a bit high-strung.
y’all need to cellout
We all need to calm down before this gets violin-t
thank you for your contribution
if ur scared ur gonna die from a Muslim extremist attack in Australia I don’t even care who u are grow the fuck up n learn to critically analyse politicians and their huge bullshit there is literally no reason to raise the terror level except islamaphobia get the fuck out of my face
Remember how everyone’s favorite part of Heath Ledger’s performance in Brokeback Mountain was his almost painful physical repression, his reluctance to express any emotion that wasn’t punching or SHUTTING DOWN? His voice was closed in on itself in a raspy burr — he fell to the ground rather than shed tears — his face was hooded and dark and full of twitching cheek muscles. Kristen Stewart is Heath Ledger, I assure you. She has the same handsome face, the same winsome, masculine smile, the same reluctance to make direct eye contact.
For years, everyone in the world has misunderstood Kristen Stewart’s compressed emotional range. They thought it meant she was a limited actress; it means nothing of the kind. She is John Wayne being forced to play the Maureen O’Hara character. Give her a rail to lean against during a sunset, a military jacket, a toothpick to chew on, and something to squint her eyes against lazily in the distance, and her guardedness will be transformed from unsuccessful femininity to The Great American Male.
Kristen Stewart is a goddamn cowboy.
THIS PUTS INTO WORD THE INTENSE LOVE I HAVE FOR KSTEW BUT IN A SENSIBLE ANALYTICAL MANNER RATHER THAN ME FLAILING AROUND PATHETICALLY